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arrowHome arrow TheCat arrow Glorious History Saturday, 19 August 2017  
Glorious History Print
Wednesday, 21 September 2005

TheCAT Elders
TheCAT Elders

[A symbolic look back at the birth of the CAT by a member of the first generation - as folklore to be handed down.]

In the far recesses of a blue building, well, a brick-like blue building... Wait! A brick-like leaks-when-rains blue building...

Well, for the sake of simplicity, we will call it the Smurf Hut (that needs Depends undergarments during rain).

In the far recesses of the Smurf Hut, the Avatar walked. To some he was known as The Enlightened One. To others, he was the Nebulous Force. He was the Born Again Hacker (or the BAH, not to be confused with the common mispelling of BASH, the Bourne Again SHell).

Behind him walked his disciples, the Unix Pilgrims (or the UP, not to be confused with the University of Portland). They were a rag-tag collection of wide-eyed students, absorbed by the arcane art of Systems.

Late in the eventide of a fine day, they passed into the Chamber 28 of the Smurf Hut, to absorb knowledge from the Avatar.

And they sat. Each to his/her own posture, preparing to absorb the Gospel of PCAT. God In Training (or GIT, not to be confused with Georgia Institute of Technology), Hacker In Training (or HIT, not to be confused with Hawaii Institute of Technology), In UNIX No One Can Hear You Scream (or IUNOCHYS, not an encoded spelling of HI, YOU SUC), Pink Panther (or PP, not a juvenile reference to bodily fluids), Ted W. Remillard (or tedrw, why the inversion we know not), Dennis Gilbert (or DG, not an abbreviation for the Dungeons and Dragons term Demi-God), Eric Solberg (or ES, not a grade of Sony video tape), Jason Liu (or JL, not intended to be an ASCII version of the Atari logo), Voice Of Reason (or VOR, not a new type of logic gate), shell (not a command interpreter, or well, waitaminnit...), and Creeping Death (or CD, not to be confused with Compact Disks) took their respective meditative positions.

And the Avatar began, with the book of Genesis.

"In the beginning there were two vaxen. They shared the machine room, connected by a serial line. And it was good....."

The Avatar imparted unto them the Lore of the Creators, Janaka Jayawardena and Mark Mason. History remembers them by different names, but their birth names remain in use today. And he narrated as the tale, much like a Navaho rug was woven. He spoke of their students, the Prophets, the likes of Mike Wilson, Wendy Wilhelm, Irfanullah Siddiqui, Glenn Case, Martine Wedlake, Ross Hagglund, Paul Mauvais, and the new keepers of Mark's Realm, Trent Fisher and John Jendro.

Enthralled, the young hackres listened. And the Avatar imparted unto them the Power. And lo, he gave them a box. And together, they decided.

"This one shall be named Opus. And it's decendents shall be named in fashion. This world we shall mould, this reality we shall build, and in the end, our endeavor is to be ready to use the Power. Once more unto the breech, dear friends."

They set upon this task, and it was good.

At this time arose the embodiment of the Nemesis. The Anti-Hackre (or AH, which may be confused with the vulgar American reference to the derriere). He came upon the Hackres with fury.

His name is unrecorded, the very memory is cursed. Yet he was known as the Arrogant Rat (or AR, which the reader is more than welcome to extrapolate into the term Anally Retentive). He was wholly evil. Even Darth Vader had not breath so foul.

Tidings were dark, and the time seemed bleak. And each in turn, calling upon the courageous pluck which moulds the Hackre, the Unix Pilgrims each in their own way made ready to do battle with the Nemesis.

But the Avatar intervened, and with grim determination, made ready to confront the Judiciary of the structure of the Department. The one known as "The Chair".

The young Hackres were granted leave to explore their art, and amnesty which has lasted to this day was granted them.

And they flourished.

And two months thence, on Frigga's Day, the Avatar said, "Lo, my disciples, we come into our own. We are a Force. We are a Power. Let our noble fellowship be given a title. For you are my Paladins of Systemry, and you are ripe to aid me in the administration of this nebulous network we doth call Systems."

And In UNIX No One Can Hear You Scream proposed Computer Action/Alert Team, which God In Training didst call CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.

For simplicity's sake, the name was shortened to Computer Action Team, or what the feline and faculty alike doth call CAT.

The Avatar took on yet another title, and is now known also as the TopCAT. The Lord and Protector of Computerism (or LPC, not to be confused with Line Printer Control).

And God In Training and Dennis Gilbert became champions of the CAT, that which was called SCuM. Today, the more flattering term of CLAW is used.

The Hackers were given an abode, and another boxen, nobly named Dallas, which was a gift from the Avatar to the Paladins.

And to welcome new nobility, the Avatar established a Rite of Passage for admittance to the fellowship. And over time, recruits came, and bonded through the sacred sharing of Pizza, they were empowered and blessed.

Thus was the coming of the Furry Logic (or FL, not a member of a Football League). After his banishment from the land, he made his entrance in force, giving life to a dead Opus in record time. Today, he has advanced to the highest rank of CAThood: that which we doth call CLAW.

In their time, Ted W. Remillard, In UNIX No One Can Hear You Scream, and Pink Panther also attained this noble distinction.

And in the summer months, when the sun doth shine and the people of the land doth walk scantily clad, a hermit came forth from his den of felines to become part of another. His name was Zakureth (or ZAK, not a Lego-Maniac). He took on the responsibility of taming the disgusting filth known as DOS (the Dog-slow Operating System). To this day, his battles are marked by his presence in the CAThouse, deep in slumber, recovering from wounds, whose small remaining flicker of life can be remarked with a courageous wiggle of the toe through the hole of his battered sock as he lies in fatigue beneath the desk.

By many trials of fire, this noble fellowship has time and time again answered the call of glitch, crash, load, loss, and error.

Scripts were written, new methods devised. Within their ranks, they pooled into task forces to tackle the many jobs sent them. From the CAT were chosen the CAT-Ops, CAT-Backup, and T4.

The members of the T4(Not the New Terminator Movie Due out in 1996) set to the task of writing incantations to track their many quests using the untameable network.

The CAT-Backup Krue took on the task of preserving the precious (or trivial) data of the systems by archiving them onto tape for posterity.

The CAT-Ops took on the mantle of managing the operations of the noble band and the systems they so dearly cared for.

In tour de force, the CAT brought new life to all of the EE Sparcz, but bringing unto them new worlds all their own: SunOS 4.1.2 in the Summer of 1992.

And one term after, members rose once more to the highest honor of CAThood. Hacker-In-Training and Zakureth were dubbed CLAWz in the Winter of 1992 Anno Domini.

Hacker-In-Training headed the CAT-Ops Fellowship, and with his new rank, spread his wings and applied his abilities to his task.

Zakureth became the CAT Regent of Systems Science, whilst maintaing his grip upon the neck of the wretched DOS filth.

And then new recruits wandered to the light of the knowledge of Systems.

These are you, the CAT-Braindumpees.

And the story continues, proud of it's noble heritage.

The First Generation Computer Action Team is: Janaka Jayawardena [Born Again Hacker] Michael E. Butry [God In Training] R. Patrick Humphreys [Hacker In Training] Adam E. Harrison [In UNIX No One Can Hear...] Amiko Yamazaki [Pink Panther] Ted W. Remillard [tedrw] Dennis V. Gilbert [Sek0ndus] Eric Solberg [solberg] Jason Liu [jasonl] Michael A. Gray [Voice Of Reason] Edith M. Brown [The BOOKshelf CAT] Alvin Tirso P. Cura III [Creeping Death] Eric Berggren [FurryLogic] Michael N. Blake [Zakureth]

As transcribed by Creeping Death.

Last Updated ( Thursday, 17 February 2011 )

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